reality finally sets in

i cannot sleep.

the thoughts just keep running in my head, playing and replaying, playing and replaying.

with the offer in my hand, i should be elated, now that all woes of searching can finally come to an end. instead, i feel hesitant, i feel sad, i don't really know what to feel.

the location is nice. sunny, not too warm not too cold.
the benefits are good. good enough for me.
the position is appealing. i'm excited about what i'll be doing.
but no, i dun seem to want to go there anymore.

i just want to stay right here, right here where i belong. i belong to the carefree days, i belong to the slack lifestyle, i belong to where i'm familiar, i belong to the company of my loved ones.

i'm selfish. i want the same hands that i plan to let go to comfort me, i want the same person whom i plan to leave to tell me not to worry, to go.

what dreams? i don't even know if they exist.

i'm scared. i'm doubting. i'm lost.

p.s. thanks for all the concern that will possibly come flooding in advance. i just need a place to 发泄.. i noe i will be okay, and you noe i will be. *hugs*